my decision to stay at home

Wednesday, November 13, 2013


Today is a day I’ve had on my calendar for months.  It is the day I was supposed to return to my job.  My job that I loved.  But instead, I’m playing peek-a-boo and encouraging tummy time.  Funny how things change. 

I made a career move last November.  I landed my dream job.  Truthfully, if I could draw up a job in my brain it would be the one I had.  I was working with students and a population that I so dearly love, and the people I got to work with were amazing.  I was on a fantastic team and we were making so much progress in our students’ lives.  Little did I know when I took that job, I was pregnant.  Now I’ve mentioned my miscarriage on here before, so this pregnancy was a biiiig surprise.  The best kind of surprise – but still a surprise.  Fast forward to a few months and I suddenly had to deal with the maternity leave paper work, blah blah.  I mean, I was going back to work.  Why wouldn’t I?  I loved my job. 

So I had everything in order to go back to work November 13, 2013.  Then July 30, 2013 happened.  And my baby girl was born.  I still thought I would go back to work after that.  I mean I immediately started pumping to store up milk for G when I went back.  To be honest, I didn’t give too much thought to staying home until her 2 month birthday.  That’s when it kinda hit me.  That I only had a few more precious weeks of staying at home.  For some moms, staying at home is their dream, and for others, they need to work – for financial and personal reasons.  I wasn’t really sure where I fell into that category.  And I’m still not sure I fall in either category at all.  Maybe I’m somewhere in the middle?  But what I do know is my heart changed when I realized this day was getting closer.  My heart longed to be home right now.  Honestly, I was somewhat surprised.  As I said before, I absolutely LOVED my job.  And it was super risky of me to give up such a position.  Questions were racing through my mind and I’d be lying if I said they still don’t pop up every now and then – will I ever find a job that I love like that again?  How could I leave a job after only being there a few months?  What will my co-workers think?  Am I throwing in the towel?  Should I go back for a little while and then make a decision?  And to be honest I don’t have answers to a lot of them. 

But even still, I felt the pull on my heart.  So Matt and I sat down, realistically looked at our options and prayed.  I am so grateful that we concluded that I could stay home for right now.  So it’s official.  I am a stay-at-home-mommy for the time being.  And I never want to take it for granted.  As hard as it was to walk away from such a great opportunity I am doing what I’m supposed to do what now.  And it feels good.  Good to know this was a decision that came with so much thought and prayer.  And so grateful for the support from my family, especially my husband - because this stay at home mommy thing - well it's the hardest job I've ever done.  The most rewarding - but still the hardest.  I'm still trying to find my groove if you will.  G and I have started really working on a "routine" and we are learning to manage our time better.  

So there it is - a lot has been going on over here to say the least.  Thank you for listening sweet friends!

Oh and more about being a stay at home mommy and finding happiness on Friday.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand you can check out my guest post on the lovely Chloe's blog - Beyond Blessed.



17 comments :

Tara Illy said...

This spoke to my heart in so many ways! Although, we aren't preggos yet I'm sure that day will come and, I too, will have this same decision to make. ...I love my job but God willing I will be able to raise up our children as a stay-at-home mom as well ;)

What a precious whittle angel you have!

Ashley @ Words About Waverly said...

Good for u, momma!!!! You have the best boss ever. :)

wordsaboutwaverly.blogspot.com

Jordan said...

Congratulations!! :)

Amanda @ Eloquent English said...

Congratulations! That is awesome!!! I'm hoping that's what I get to do one day, but still pursue photography part-time. (:

Sarah @ Life, Love & Dinner said...

This is exactly where I am right now. I have always wanted to stay home but now that my husband owns his own business, it is much riskier, especially since I carry the benefits. I have about 7 weeks of maternity leave left and I am absolutely dreading returning to work and trying to come up with a way to stay home for just a little bit longer. It is such a hard decision when like you said, some of us are just caught in the middle of wanting to stay home and having to provide for our families. Thanks for sharing your heart!

Jessica said...

I can only imagine hard this decision was! But I think, you will love being a stay at home mom! I mean, how could you leave that adorable face! You have to do what is best for your family.

Ashley @ Always Ashley said...

I'm really looking forward to reading more of this. A friend of mine was just talking about this very topic. I mentioned to her how my ultimate goal is to be a "work-from-home" mom, so I can really be there to raise my children as much as possible. I'm pregnant with our first now, and I know I won't be able to stay home until after my husband finishes getting his engineering degree. But since I have completed college twice over, I really feel God has equipped me to get serious about starting up my business. I want to make sure it's being successful enough to provide an extra income evem after he gets a job.

I also told her how crazy this whole concept is in my culture, the African-american culture that is. Moms who don't work are often looked at as lazy and it makes us feel like we're wrong for wanting be at home more. I refuse to let this stigma shape my mindframe. I'm focusing on what God has placed in my heart, and that's all.

Enjoy your time with your little angel and I admire your boldness to step out on faith.

xoxo

beyondblessedblog.com said...

So excited for you Denise!!! What a blessings that you get to stay home with your precious little one. :) Praying for you and your family! xox

Jay said...

Oh my goodness - I cannot get over the lack of maternity leave in the US. In Norway, there is a combined maternity/paternity (Dads have to take 3 weeks) and you get 100% pay for a year or 80% pay if you want to take a bit longer than a year. In Canada, as a teacher, I would get one full year. I can't imagine having to make that decision so quickly!

But I'm happy that you were able to make the decision that's best for your little family. Congratulations!

Kelly Slater said...

I knew this would be your exciting news! I'm so happy for you. You will absolutely love being a stay-at-home mama! It's the best decision I ever made, and I don't regret it for one second. You can never get back all those little moments you will share with GiGi! And, don't even worry about what anyone might think, especially your co-workers. If they're parents, or even know you as a person at all, they will understand and not judge you. I have a feeling this job will top your previous one! It's hard work, but you got it girl! :o) xoxo

Katie Cook said...

THis just warmed my heart! I love how grateful you are for every season of your life, and that you don't take it for granted! You are such a beautiful person Denise, and G is so so lucky to have YOU as her mama!! Love ya girl!!

terri myers said...

A decision I'm sure you will never regret Denise!! Xoxo

terri myers said...

A decision I'm sure you will never regret Denise!! Xoxo

Marshall said...

I'm so happy for you!!

Marquis Clarke said...

So sweet! Do happy you are getting this precious time!

thesirenstale.com said...

Hi there! I'm a new-ish reader and just wanted to drop a comment. Congratulations on your baby and staying at home :) My guy and I plan to have kids in the next 3-4 years and I look forward to leaving my career to be a work-from-home mom. However, I don't like my career and it's clear that you did. Hoping you find ease and comfort in your new position, with lots of cuddles and laughs in between!

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