a farewell letter

Thursday, December 10, 2015

in all my 30 years i count these 3 as my greatest blessings!

soooooo i'm 30.  today.  as of 7 something this am.  that's weird.  it seems like such a big milestone but honestly i'm a tad excited.  even weirder, i know.  i'm so grateful for my 20's.  gosh they were fun.  i'm not the same person i was going into this decade as i am leaving.  i'm still goofy and clumsy but i've matured (a little) and learned a whole lot.

20 brought college parties and laughs, 21 brought too much wine and some lessons about life, 22 brought the end of my college career, 23 brought my masters and a diamond ring, 24 brought the greatest commitment i'll ever make and the beginning of my life with my best friend, 25 brought a lot of "i'm sorrys and i love you's" as i navigated my way through marriage, 26 brought a new adventure in an old town and the greatest heartbreak i've ever endured, 27 brought my daughter and the greatest happiness i had ever known, 28 brought messy mama life and lots of grace (thanks god!), 29 brought my son and the greatest happiness i have ever known still (two babes = heart full) and now 30.  i don't know what 30 will bring.  but i'm ready.  and god is good.  so so good.

as i enter in to my 30's i feel refreshed.  so much life has happened these past 10 years and to think about all of the life that will happen in the next 10 excites and scares me to death.  i may have had my babies in my 20's but i get to raise them in my 30's.  and that is going to be fun.  all alongside the best person i know.

however, my 20's.  they were good.  so sweet.  i learned so much.  was humbled a lot.  my pride got hit a lot.  and i hope to leave some things behind as i join the 30 year old club.  i worried a lot about what people thought in my 20's.  was constantly trying to please everyone and do everything.  always worrying if i was enough, or doing enough.  yea, 20's - you can have all of that.  i know now i am enough because He is enough.  i pray my 30's are more intentional with my yes's and my no's.  i want to say yes to stuff that matters and no to the rest.  i want to say yes to people more.  people who need jesus, people who need food, people who need encouragement.  all people.  i want to say yes.  i want my children to say yes to people.  i want them to fight for those without a voice and because of that i want to do the same.

self-doubt.  if that can stay in my 20's that'd be great as well, although i have a feeling it will be a lifetime battle in some ways.  i spent way to much time in my 20's questioning myself.  questioning my decisions, my choices, my career, my interior design choices, my meal choice, my outfit of the day choice - it's exhausting!  i am absolutely indecisive and add that on top of lack of self-confidence and it. has. got. to. go.  jesus loves me.  that makes me enough.  motherhood has brought some confidence into my life too.  i mean i birthed humans.  two of them.  boom.

another thing that i am (sadly) leaving in my 20's is this blog.  for now at least.  i simply don't have the time i used to and am not the most organized, make-the-most-of-my-time person and this blog has fallen to the bottom of my list.  i am beyond grateful for the community it has brought these past 3 years and i have made friends that will be lifetime friends undoubtedly.  but when i started blogging, i vowed never to make this another thing on my to-do list - something i felt like i had to do.  so that is why i'm bowing out now.  i also have two precious souls and identities that i am entrusted to raise and the internet scares me a bit so there's that thrown into the mix and i've decided it's time to step back.  who know's if i'll pick up sometime in the future but for now, i'm saying farewell.  to every person who has commented, emailed, texted or messaged me after a post they enjoyed - thank you!  it means more than you will ever know.

side note:  i've tagged a bunch of amazing bloggers on my instagram post if you are looking for some blogs to follow pleaseeeee check that out because these woman are amazing.

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mamahood round 2

Monday, October 12, 2015

if i'm being honest, the past three months are a blur.  a happy blur.  and a messy one.  being a mama of two is no joke.  i had some friends who told me it wasn't a big transition at all for them and that they eased into it, where others told me it rocked their world.  i think we fall somewhere in the middle but definitely leaning towards the latter.  it has been a big adjustment.  for everyone.  but that baby boy of mine?  he is the perfect addition to our family.  it's so amazing to me how God chooses each person in a family and it is so evident that matthew was our missing part.  he has the most laid back demeanor, completely unlike his sister as a baby.  he's the smiley-est baby of all times.  even mid-meltdown city, just flash him a smile and whisper his name and he's all ear-to-ear gummy grinning.  it's a contagious gummy grin i tell you.  and that big sister of his?  she melts my heart in all sorts of ways.  she's slowly taking to her brother and has just started taking it upon herself to show him all of her toys (this is HUGE people).  i want to break down in a puddle of mush when i think about how much she has grown up over the past three months too.  she has matured and learned and loved and screamed and cried it all out.  it has been so beautiful.  in the really hard moments i remind myself that georgia will never know a life without matthew.  she will never remember being the only baby.  and truthfully, i'm thankful for that.  every single night i pray for their relationship.  that they will love each other fiercely and speak truth and life to one another.  i pray they will have each other's back, especially in high school and middle school (hello awkward years!).  i pray when one is too weak to fight for something worth fighting for then the other will offer the nudge that is needed.

and then there's the mess that is me.  i'm definitely more laid back this time around.  like for real.  sometimes i wish i would have had this perspective more when georgia was so tiny but i also know that it is all part of the learning process.  the mama process.  i'm savoring a little more this time.  even those 2 am and 4 am cuddle fests when really, i want to be asleep!  but i'm still a worry monster at times (all the time) too.  so don't worry.  pyscho mama is still here.  although my relationship with google is much healthier this go round.  thank goodness!

and gosh my people.  my village.  my husband who works so hard for our family both at work and at home.  the selfless way he serves us and the way he loves my babies and me.  i just can't even.  and my mama.  oh my mama.  she deserves a break.  i mean she's already raised me and my sister.  but yet she shows up still and helps me do the messy, hard stuff with my babies.  these past 3 months would have been a bit horrendous without her.  and the host of of people.  the rest of my family, taking georgia for amazing playdates, my best friends, showing up with food (and wine!) and playing with my babies, my neighbors - gosh i am so humbled.  my mama best friends who indulge my 3 am text-a-thins because they are there too.  there have been so. many. times. that i have just started sobbing in the middle of the day both out of gratitude as well as heartbreak when i think of others who don't have the support system i do.  so consider this a PSA - help the mamas out.  whether a working mama, a stay at home mama, a single mama, and foster mama, a rich mama, a poor mama, a mama with lots of help or a mama with no help at all.  love them.  love them all.  encourage them and support them in any way you can.  they are doing hard work of raising the next generation.  that goes for the daddies too.  support and build each other up.  we need each other.

this was a bunch of mumbo jumbo for my first blog post in a million weeks.  but hey.  that's life.  and this is my life.  and i'm so happy these days.  so grateful too.  thank you god for these perfect little blessings.  and the messiness of this season of my life.  and tomorrow is my hubby's birthday which means... CAKE!

Date Night + Younique 3D Fiber Lashes

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

easiest application EVER

truly an awful picture but it's all we've got :)

Saturday night was our first date night since Mr. Matthew made his debut.  It was much needed!  We attended the Lowe Cape Fear Hospice Last Chance for White Pants Gala.  My sissy works for Hospice and helped with the event and she is good at what she does, I tell you what!  The chair, co-chair and committee all worked so hard and it was a beautiful event for an even more beautiful cause.    

While getting ready I had the privilege of trying out Younique's new 3D Fiber Lashes and I. Am. Obsessed.  They were SO EASY to apply (literally just like mascara) and added so much volume + length to my lashes.  I've always had decently long lashes but lately I have felt like they are becoming so thin!  I have tried coconut oil on them at night but never really give it long enough to see results.  Well, you don't have to wait for results with the 3D Fiber Lashes!  And it comes right off like mascara.  This tired mama needs all the help she can get and I will be a lifetime user of these bad boys.  Thanks so much to my friend Kim for letting me try them.  You can order them here and I promise you will fall in love too!

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