a farewell letter

Thursday, December 10, 2015

in all my 30 years i count these 3 as my greatest blessings!

soooooo i'm 30.  today.  as of 7 something this am.  that's weird.  it seems like such a big milestone but honestly i'm a tad excited.  even weirder, i know.  i'm so grateful for my 20's.  gosh they were fun.  i'm not the same person i was going into this decade as i am leaving.  i'm still goofy and clumsy but i've matured (a little) and learned a whole lot.

20 brought college parties and laughs, 21 brought too much wine and some lessons about life, 22 brought the end of my college career, 23 brought my masters and a diamond ring, 24 brought the greatest commitment i'll ever make and the beginning of my life with my best friend, 25 brought a lot of "i'm sorrys and i love you's" as i navigated my way through marriage, 26 brought a new adventure in an old town and the greatest heartbreak i've ever endured, 27 brought my daughter and the greatest happiness i had ever known, 28 brought messy mama life and lots of grace (thanks god!), 29 brought my son and the greatest happiness i have ever known still (two babes = heart full) and now 30.  i don't know what 30 will bring.  but i'm ready.  and god is good.  so so good.

as i enter in to my 30's i feel refreshed.  so much life has happened these past 10 years and to think about all of the life that will happen in the next 10 excites and scares me to death.  i may have had my babies in my 20's but i get to raise them in my 30's.  and that is going to be fun.  all alongside the best person i know.

however, my 20's.  they were good.  so sweet.  i learned so much.  was humbled a lot.  my pride got hit a lot.  and i hope to leave some things behind as i join the 30 year old club.  i worried a lot about what people thought in my 20's.  was constantly trying to please everyone and do everything.  always worrying if i was enough, or doing enough.  yea, 20's - you can have all of that.  i know now i am enough because He is enough.  i pray my 30's are more intentional with my yes's and my no's.  i want to say yes to stuff that matters and no to the rest.  i want to say yes to people more.  people who need jesus, people who need food, people who need encouragement.  all people.  i want to say yes.  i want my children to say yes to people.  i want them to fight for those without a voice and because of that i want to do the same.

self-doubt.  if that can stay in my 20's that'd be great as well, although i have a feeling it will be a lifetime battle in some ways.  i spent way to much time in my 20's questioning myself.  questioning my decisions, my choices, my career, my interior design choices, my meal choice, my outfit of the day choice - it's exhausting!  i am absolutely indecisive and add that on top of lack of self-confidence and it. has. got. to. go.  jesus loves me.  that makes me enough.  motherhood has brought some confidence into my life too.  i mean i birthed humans.  two of them.  boom.

another thing that i am (sadly) leaving in my 20's is this blog.  for now at least.  i simply don't have the time i used to and am not the most organized, make-the-most-of-my-time person and this blog has fallen to the bottom of my list.  i am beyond grateful for the community it has brought these past 3 years and i have made friends that will be lifetime friends undoubtedly.  but when i started blogging, i vowed never to make this another thing on my to-do list - something i felt like i had to do.  so that is why i'm bowing out now.  i also have two precious souls and identities that i am entrusted to raise and the internet scares me a bit so there's that thrown into the mix and i've decided it's time to step back.  who know's if i'll pick up sometime in the future but for now, i'm saying farewell.  to every person who has commented, emailed, texted or messaged me after a post they enjoyed - thank you!  it means more than you will ever know.

side note:  i've tagged a bunch of amazing bloggers on my instagram post if you are looking for some blogs to follow pleaseeeee check that out because these woman are amazing.

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