Wednesday, June 27, 2012

What Celeste has learned...

Meet Celeste...
Aside from being gorgeous, sweet and a mini clone to Martha Stewart (her recipes and herb garden?!?), Celeste is also a sweet friend.  We met through a mutual best friend and I have added her blog, Raleighweds, to my daily reads.  She is honest to the core and I love her writing.  So dear readers, here she is....
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What I’ve learned since saying I do… the real question is where do I start? When Denise asked me to write about what I had learned since saying ‘I do’ my mind ran a mile a minute. I had learned SO much after saying ‘I do.’ I learned that marriage was much more than I expected. That the little moments like snuggling up on the couch with the hubs or tickling him are the moments I treasure the most. I learned that laughter is the perfect solution to getting lost and running late. I learned to not take things so seriously and to just have fun with it. I learned to care more about relationships and to love harder.



Before we got married, I thought I knew all there was to love – how it worked, what it took, what it looked like. After saying ‘I do,’ I realized I have so much to learn. Every day I am learning something new about being a wife. And although admittedly, some most days the lessons are learned the hard way, each day gets better and better. 

I learned that love is a verb. love takes effort. love is selfless. But most importantly, I learned that when you make love a verb, take the effort and put your spouse before yourself, love is a hundred times sweeter {and things run so much smoother!}. By putting forth effort, love became effortless.



A few areas that I continually have to work at BUT have made a huge impact in our relationship are:

             - Giving him the benefit of the doubt. When he forgot to stop by the store and pick up the eggs, I have to give him the benefit of the doubt.. he just forgot. It’s not because he didn’t want to or he’s lazy. He’s just as human as I am. If I assume the worst of him, I am only both of us.
-            - If it bothers me, do it myself. We all have our pet peeves, whether it’s leaving the toilet seat up, dishes in the sink  or in my case, moving the soap from the sink in and out of the shower {weird.. I know}. One of the best pieces of advice we received was that if something bugs you, do it yourself. I found myself nitpicking at what he could do better, should be doing or telling him what he needed to be doing to make me happy… as if I did everything perfectly. I learned that by throwing his dirty underoos into the hamper was much more satisfying than being angry at them lying on the floor and nagging him about doing it and then getting mad when he didn’t. I do it because it bothers me {not him}. I don’t want to waste my time being upset at the little stuff when I have SO much to love him for.   
-            - Do what he likes. I’ve got to make the effort to do what he likes. I may not be interested in playing sports 24/7 or even 1/7 but my husband is. Occasionally I need to go into his world, do what he loves, AND do it with joy. I love when he joins me at World Market or watches the girliest movie available in Redbox or surprises me with flowers. I want to make him feel the same way. Feel loved. Special. Like the most awesome dude on the planet {cause he totally is}. And if that means showing up with cupcakes {or anything that contains 90% sugar} or embarrassing myself at basketball, then so be it. Because the joy that follows is more than worth it.



It’s funny because as I am writing this, I am realizing I need to try harder. I need to love harder. Actively trying to actively love my husband selflessly day-in and day-out takes work {and I fail miserably at it more often than not} but the work we put into our relationship doesn’t even compare to the amazing benefits.  I chose to spend the rest of my life with the most precious, amazing man. I want to make him feel that way every day. I want to cherish the moments we have together. The things we learn together. The places we go together. I want to share all the little joys and the big adventures with him. When we are old and crusty, I want to look back and know we gave it our all. We made it work because we worked at it.  In only a short nine months, I have already learned so much more about love, sacrifice and joy than I have in 20 some years. I can’t wait to see what more we have to learn.

And, p.s. what comes after you say ‘I do’ is so much more than you can anticipate. It takes work and there are struggles but the joy and the adventure outweigh it all.




Like all good things, this series must come to an end.  I will be wrapping things up tomorrow with what I have learned and (drum roll please....) my hubby has learned!  I know I can't believe I got him to write...  
See you tomorrow! xox

4 comments:

soupsaladandsunflowers.com said...

I love all of these guest posts, Denise! Such a great idea. And Celeste, you are a wise woman! So blessed to call you my friend.

Owen Ross said...

Denise, I met you when we were in the Vestique fashion show together last year. I have been following your blog and absolutely LOVE it! The marriage advice posts have been so great. I'm not married yet but hope to be in the near future, so I loved reading them all and getting excited for what is to come :) Keep writing!!

Celeste said...

LOVED being a part of this series, Denise! I have enjoyed all the advice these lovely ladies have had. Can't wait to read yours tomorrow! Thanks for having me :)!

Sara said...

This was such a sweet post. I can't speak for married people, but I can only imagine how difficult it can be sometimes when two people get into tiffs. This post definitely showed me that it's not all about the hugs and kisses and happily ever after - there's still a lot of working to do within the relationship and ourselves.

xo