Something I'm Struggling With // Day 20 of the Challenge

Monday, May 20, 2013

29 weeks
So on Mondays (sometimes Tuesdays) I try and post something baby-related.  Whether it’s a pregnancy update or a letter to Georgia.  I’ve been pretty faithful about these even when the rest of my blogging has been slack.  Well today, I’m still talking babies… kinda.  I’m joining Jenni again for her Blog Every Day in May Challenge. 
Her orders: Day 20, Monday: Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now
Well.  Well.  Well.  It just so happens that the something I’m struggling with right now has to do with this little babe in my belly.  I am soooooooo excited to meet her.  Like complete excitement overload right now.  When she starts kicking at night I scream “Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek come look!” and make Matt rush over every single time.  I talk to her all the time too.  So does Matt.  He has a funny/adorable/sweet daddy voice he uses and it melts my heart.  I don’t want to wish time away at all.  I have showers to look forward to and lots still on my to-do list but my oh my!  I can’t wait to meet my baby girl.  I know these next 10 weeks are going to fly by and honestly?  I hope they do!!! 
But OK back to the challenge.  Something I’m struggling with.  This is more of a fear of mine I suppose but I am PETRIFIED of labor.  Yes I want to meet my baby girl more than there are stars in the sky – but the process that leads up to that meet and greet?  Leaves me intensely scared.  I’ve had nightmares about the whole thing that only a crazy person would have (not remembering the birth of my child, the doctor showing me an epidural that was 6 feet tall and 6 feet wide, oh and losing my child after labor!).  Now luckily most of my dreams are crazy bananas and most likely will not happen.  Whew.  Sigh of relief.  But then there’s these things that I am terrified of that really could happen.  Like the pain.  That will definitely happen.  I don’t take pain too well either.  I’ve thought about a doula for my labor and read birth story after birth story comparing natural births and births getting an epidural.  I’ve researched the chances of a C-section and the affects it has on the mom and baby.  I’ve had sweet friends go through all of these birth processes in the past 4 months.  But none of that seems to make me feel better.  I still don’t know exactly what my “birth plan” is and frankly the whole labor part in general scares the bajeebers out of me.  Why can’t they pump me with red wine during labor instead?  That relaxes me just fine…
So there you have it.  I’ve got about 10 weeks until it’s go time.  Maybe even less!  But right now that is what I’m struggling with.  I pray about it a lot, and if you think about, and want to add me in your prayers – will you pray too?  Sometimes I even feel so repetitive like God is annoyed with me.  Like ummmm, you asked for the same thing yesterday (an easy delivery and a healthy baby).  But luckily God knows how crazy I am.  In fact, He created me that way.  So for the next 10 months I will remain on my knees.  Praying for an easy delivery and a healthy baby.  But also for peace, comfort and strength through Him on that beautiful day I get to meet my baby girl

30 weeks





10 comments :

Kari said...

Girl, you got this! Think about how many women have gone through it successfully. That's one thing that should reassure you... if they can do it, I know YOU can! Peace and easy labor are my wishes for you. You are in my prayers sweet friend.

Erin @ Sugar Magnolia said...

I was the same way and literally made myself sick my whole pregnancy worrying about it! I even took Bradley birth classes because I was so scared of having an IV or epidural (I ended up having both). But now after going through it the number one thing I regret is worrying about it so much and not sitting back and enjoying being pregnant (as much as you can lol)! Because honestly, you have no control in labor- the baby does. And however they want to come or not come out is how it will go! But you will do great and it is totally worth it!!

Lynzy said...

You look absolutely adorable! I am 20 weeks and I can only hope that my growing belly will look as cute as yours in the coming weeks! :)


xx Lynzy
www.sparklingfootsteps.com

Jessica said...

You can do it, girl!!! But not going to lie, that is one of my biggest fears about having a baby- labor!!! But recently, I've read some very sweet birth stories, so don't let all the scary ones get to you! GG knows what she is doing even if you don't!

Genna said...

I think the labor process and all the what if's that go with it are the main reason I am so on the fence about having children at all! It's so scary, but I try to remind myself that God says, "Do not be afraid for I am with you!" It helps most of the time, but my anxiety often gets the best of me. Praying for you so, so much.

j whitney nic said...

Adorable pictures.

Amanda @ Eloquent English said...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I know I haven't been reading blogs often lately, but look at your bump! You look wonderful! =)

Nicole Marie said...

you look beautiful!!!

and yeessh yeah i would be pretty terrified too.

meme-and-he said...

first of all, you look fantastic! I am a few weeks behind you, and you give me so much to look forward to! I am with you in this fear, though. The things that keep me grounded are thinking about all the women who have gone through labor before. It is almost a right of passage into motherhood. And I really believe there is no right or wrong way to approach labor. Whatever feels right for you and your baby is just perfect. Don't feel like a failure if you don't stick exactly to your plan or something comes up unexpectedly. You will do great!!

Kelly Slater said...

You are so dang cute! I can't believe how big your little bump has gotten. It won't be long now. I was the same way as you; nervous and anxious. You just can't listen to other people, because everyone has a different experience. Go with your gut and what you think is best for you and your family. You will make the right decision. :o) Just remember, it's all worth it in the end.

Made With Love By The Dutch Lady Designs