So on Mondays (sometimes Tuesdays) I try and post something baby-related. Whether it’s a pregnancy update or a letter to Georgia. I’ve been pretty faithful about these even when the rest of my blogging has been slack. Well today, I’m still talking babies… kinda. I’m joining Jenni again for her Blog Every Day in May Challenge.
Her orders: Day 20, Monday: Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now
Well. Well. Well. It just so happens that the something I’m struggling with right now has to do with this little babe in my belly. I am soooooooo excited to meet her. Like complete excitement overload right now. When she starts kicking at night I scream “Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek come look!” and make Matt rush over every single time. I talk to her all the time too. So does Matt. He has a funny/adorable/sweet daddy voice he uses and it melts my heart. I don’t want to wish time away at all. I have showers to look forward to and lots still on my to-do list but my oh my! I can’t wait to meet my baby girl. I know these next 10 weeks are going to fly by and honestly? I hope they do!!!
But OK back to the challenge. Something I’m struggling with. This is more of a fear of mine I suppose but I am PETRIFIED of labor. Yes I want to meet my baby girl more than there are stars in the sky – but the process that leads up to that meet and greet? Leaves me intensely scared. I’ve had nightmares about the whole thing that only a crazy person would have (not remembering the birth of my child, the doctor showing me an epidural that was 6 feet tall and 6 feet wide, oh and losing my child after labor!). Now luckily most of my dreams are crazy bananas and most likely will not happen. Whew. Sigh of relief. But then there’s these things that I am terrified of that really could happen. Like the pain. That will definitely happen. I don’t take pain too well either. I’ve thought about a doula for my labor and read birth story after birth story comparing natural births and births getting an epidural. I’ve researched the chances of a C-section and the affects it has on the mom and baby. I’ve had sweet friends go through all of these birth processes in the past 4 months. But none of that seems to make me feel better. I still don’t know exactly what my “birth plan” is and frankly the whole labor part in general scares the bajeebers out of me. Why can’t they pump me with red wine during labor instead? That relaxes me just fine…
So there you have it. I’ve got about 10 weeks until it’s go time. Maybe even less! But right now that is what I’m struggling with. I pray about it a lot, and if you think about, and want to add me in your prayers – will you pray too? Sometimes I even feel so repetitive like God is annoyed with me. Like ummmm, you asked for the same thing yesterday (an easy delivery and a healthy baby). But luckily God knows how crazy I am. In fact, He created me that way. So for the next 10 months I will remain on my knees. Praying for an easy delivery and a healthy baby. But also for peace, comfort and strength through Him on that beautiful day I get to meet my baby girl