Thursday, December 12, 2013

what i wish i'd known before saying "i do"


Awhile back, a sweet friend had left a comment on a blog post over here.  I responded and we ended up emailing back and forth a bit.  During our correspondence she suggested that I write about what I wish I had known the first year of marriage.  This sweet friend I am talking about is closing in on her own wedding day and therefore, her own first year of marriage!  She is weeks away and I KNOW she will be such a gorgeous bride and an amazing wife. 

So in celebration of the bride-to-be, and because I try to give my readers what they want (even if it takes a few months!) I’m here to tell ya what I had wish I had known about the first year of marriage (I did a series last year and had some amazing guest posts that you can see here).  One of the main reasons it’s taken me a few weeks for this post is because I have thought long and hard on this.  Marriage is a tricky thing you see.  And in this day-in-age, with social media, Facebook, blogs – the INTERNET – it can be made to seem easy and sometimes unimportant, and those two things could not be farther than the truth.  To write this post I have been reflecting on my own marriage more than ever.  I have a strong marriage and for that I am thankful.  Is it perfect?  Not even close.  Do we argue?  Of course.  But the most important factor contributing to its strength is our work.  My marriage is my priority, as it is my husband’s.  And so here are two pieces of advice I wish I had heard before taking the plunge…

1.  It is never 50/50.  A preacher said this at a friend’s wedding the other week and I loved it.  It really is so true.  Marriage is rarely 50/50.  Usually someone is pulling more weight with some stuff and vice versa.  And the roles usually reverse too!  That’s the beauty of it.  Matt meets me where I need him to and I try to do the same with him.  It’s never about being “equal” but instead about doing what we have to do to support the other person.


2.  Marriage is so so fun.  I mean really.  You are with your best friend all the time and you get to do life with them?!?!  I feel like I didn’t hear this enough when I was engaged.  I heard tons of advice on how to keep a marriage strong, how to respect your husband and how to compromise and budget as a family – but not enough about how amazingly wonderful this gift of marriage really is.  Because it is a gift.  A sacred gift, and trust me – it is so much fun.  You think you love your spouse now?  Wait til you see him hold your first child, hold you when you lose someone close, or dance around the kitchen with you on your one year wedding anniversary.  Trust me, it gets better and sweeter with time.  



11 comments:

Megan said...

Denise, you are absolutely so right! I've been married two month today, and well, you quickly learn that sometimes its 80/20 and other times it 40/60. Expecting 50/50 all the time will just lead to a very difficult relationship.

And! Spending the rest of your life with your best friend, just amazing! I have no regrets!

Jordan said...

Love this post Denise; so sweet! :)

Leanne Redding said...

Beautiful! Some very good points here. Love it.

Alexa said...

Beautiful and agreed!! Especially number 2 - marriage isn't always easy, but it's always so FUN! I love the promise that I get to spend all of my days with the man I adore. :)

Kaity said...

I love this- so true! The truest thing I ever heard about marriage is that your wedding day is the least you will ever love your husband. Your love truly does grow exponentially over time :)

Kalyn Randolph said...

This is awesome! I wish I had someone to tell me the ins and outs beforehand. But, I am also thankful for all we have learned. So so sweet of you to share!

Dee Saunders said...

Love this Denise. And what you said is so true!

Katie Cook said...

Amen sister!! Marriage is SOOO much fun:) Love you!

emi said...

love this! agreed. xo

the well-traveled wife ♥

Owen Ross said...

I love this!!! I can't wait!!!

Kenzie Ashcraft said...

I love this post! I agree marriage is so much fun and it is a lot of give and never 50/50. :)

Hope you had a Merry Christmas!