Sensitivity and Weekend In Pictures

My church has just completed a three week series on relationships and friendships.  My pastor, Mike, has done an amazing job with leaving us challenged and pondering the depths of our relationships every week.  The overlying theme of the series is simple, yet all-encompassing.  “In order to have a friend, be a friend.”  Simple, yes.  Something we’ve probably all heard in Kindergarten.  But it is this “elementary” guideline that my church has used as a sounding board for the past three weeks.  We have looked at what it means to be a friend in Christ, how to love others like yourself, and the way that Jesus was a friend like no other.  But yesterday, as Mike was closing the sermon, he made a statement that struck me as profound.  He said

“Oversensitive people rarely hear the truth.”

Wow.  In my head I’m thinking “Crap!” You see, I’m pretty sensitive.  Is it bad to be sensitive?  Surely God would not have given me this heart had He no reason.  And the more I explored this idea, the more I found the truth in what Mike said.  No, it is not bad to be sensitive.  God gives some of us sensitive hearts for a reason.  And Mike did not say, “Sensitive people rarely hear the truth.”  No, he said “Oversensitive people rarely hear the truth.”  And that is the line I have to draw.  I know people like this.  People with whom I rarely speak the truth.  People that I am so afraid of upsetting that I just tell them what they want to hear and do whatever they want me to do.  And then I wonder, “Have I ever been that person?”  I hope not but the answer is possibly a yes.  It’s this oversensitive nature that drives us to seek the approval of others.  This nature that causes us to run home crying if someone doesn’t like us or a decision we've made.  It’s also the controlling nature that causes us to want to control others’ decisions and how they treat us.  But is that a relationship?  Is that true, and raw, and real?  And who really cares what others think about my decisions?  Aren’t I sound in my faith and strong enough in my conviction to know that I answer to no one other than God?  And do I really want others to tell me “what I want to hear” because it’s easy and they don’t want to upset me?  It is these questions that have been running through my head like little monkeys all day and all night.  And the answer is simple.  I want the truth – from everyone.  And I want to give the truth – to everyone.  I am thankful that I do not have to try and please everyone in my life.  I am thankful for the real and honest relationships I do have in my life.  I am thankful for my mom telling me I’m wrong when I’m wrong, and for my husband praying for me when he’s worried about me instead of trying to correct me.  I'm thankful for the honest conversations I have daily with my best friends and the truth in their advice and support is unwavering.  It’s these honest words that make my relationships deep and vulnerable.  And I’ll take vulnerability over fake and easy any day.

So thank you family, friends that are sisters, honest coworkers and real blog friends.  Thank you for challenging me and being real.  Because that’s what friends are for.

And now my weekend in Instagram :) Follow along with me!  Username: deniselopatka

so thankful for friends who bake :)

lots of laundry that never gets folded because Sevilla loves napping in warm towels

basketball in the kitchen with my nephew Wade

pretending he's shy.  HA

my oldest nephew Chase got to go out on the field at halftime during a professional soccer game.  WAAAAAY COOOOOL.

Sunday night reads.  So good.

neutral love

Lately I've been dying over neutrals.  Anything in the white, ivory, cream and pale pink family has me swooning.  I love the girlie yet sexy way these colors carry us into late summer and early fall.... and I can't help but snatch up anything and everything in this color pallet. 

neutral love by deniselopatka featuring tom ford nail polish

emily giffin and secrets

“I know what they say about secrets.  I’ve heard it all.  That they can haunt and govern you.  That they can poison relationships and divide families.  That in the end, only the truth will set you free.”–Emily Giffin, Where We Belong

My favorite author in the world came out with her 6^th book, Where We Belong, and per usual, it was absolutely delicious.  I devoured it in less than 24 hours and am only left wondering when she will pick up the pen and write some more.  Giffin has the ability to take real-life instances, make them feel new but relatable, and dive into issues that some authors only graze.  The big issue in this book?  Secrets.  No, I will not give away the ending or even the story line for those of you who have not yet read it, but one thing that I have been left to ponder this week is the notion of secrets.  Not the kind of secrets that can be interchanged with surprises.  Surprises are always a good idea.  And I’m not talking about the secrets of your personal life that are yours and only yours.  I have said on here before that I do not believe in posting every little single detail of your life on the internet and sharing EVERYTHING with all 2,000 Facebook friends.  No, I’m talking about the secrets that need to be shared.  The kind that affect others. 

First of all, I’m TERRIBLE at keeping secrets from loved ones.  If I have exciting news, sad news, have a nervous breakdown, am over-reacting – the list goes on – I have to share.  I’m a talker.  I have to talk every little decision or feeling out to really get to the roots of my heart.  Sometimes I don’t even need advice, I just need to talk things out and hear myself and that is simply enough.  Luckily my husband is a patient man and has learned that listening to my worries is just as important as fixing them.  But I still can’t help wonder if secrets are EVER OK?  I can’t imagine keeping things from him.  I mean, I go shopping and spend a little too much on a pair of shoes and as soon as he is in the door from work, I blurt it out and hand him the receipt.  It’s a little pathetic really, and he usually just laughs at me and says he likes the shoes, but I just can’t handle keeping things from him.  I wear my heart on my sleeve so most of my close friends can tell when I’m happy, sad, worried, nervous or excited by glancing at me from a 10-foot radius.  Maybe that is why I don’t believe in secrets – because, most often, it is impossible for me to actually keep them.  And overall, I think that’s OK.  I think if my biggest problem is that I can’t keep a secret from those I love most, I’m doing alright.  And if you run out and buy the newest Emily Giffin novel (which all of you should do NOW), you will see that Marian might agree with me.  So here's to the truth.  It will always set you free.

“It is not what I planned – this day, this moment, these unlikely relationships, both old and new.  Yet I feel overcome with peace and certainty that, for one, I am exactly where I should be.”

–Emily Giffin, Where We Belong