my decision to stay at home

Today is a day I’ve had on my calendar for months.  It is the day I was supposed to return to my job.  My job that I loved.  But instead, I’m playing peek-a-boo and encouraging tummy time.  Funny how things change. 

I made a career move last November.  I landed my dream job.  Truthfully, if I could draw up a job in my brain it would be the one I had.  I was working with students and a population that I so dearly love, and the people I got to work with were amazing.  I was on a fantastic team and we were making so much progress in our students’ lives.  Little did I know when I took that job, I was pregnant.  Now I’ve mentioned my miscarriage on here before, so this pregnancy was a biiiig surprise.  The best kind of surprise – but still a surprise.  Fast forward to a few months and I suddenly had to deal with the maternity leave paper work, blah blah.  I mean, I was going back to work.  Why wouldn’t I?  I loved my job. 

So I had everything in order to go back to work November 13, 2013.  Then July 30, 2013 happened.  And my baby girl was born.  I still thought I would go back to work after that.  I mean I immediately started pumping to store up milk for G when I went back.  To be honest, I didn’t give too much thought to staying home until her 2 month birthday.  That’s when it kinda hit me.  That I only had a few more precious weeks of staying at home.  For some moms, staying at home is their dream, and for others, they need to work – for financial and personal reasons.  I wasn’t really sure where I fell into that category.  And I’m still not sure I fall in either category at all.  Maybe I’m somewhere in the middle?  But what I do know is my heart changed when I realized this day was getting closer.  My heart longed to be home right now.  Honestly, I was somewhat surprised.  As I said before, I absolutely LOVED my job.  And it was super risky of me to give up such a position.  Questions were racing through my mind and I’d be lying if I said they still don’t pop up every now and then – will I ever find a job that I love like that again?  How could I leave a job after only being there a few months?  What will my co-workers think?  Am I throwing in the towel?  Should I go back for a little while and then make a decision?  And to be honest I don’t have answers to a lot of them. 

But even still, I felt the pull on my heart.  So Matt and I sat down, realistically looked at our options and prayed.  I am so grateful that we concluded that I could stay home for right now.  So it’s official.  I am a stay-at-home-mommy for the time being.  And I never want to take it for granted.  As hard as it was to walk away from such a great opportunity I am doing what I’m supposed to do what now.  And it feels good.  Good to know this was a decision that came with so much thought and prayer.  And so grateful for the support from my family, especially my husband - because this stay at home mommy thing - well it's the hardest job I've ever done.  The most rewarding - but still the hardest.  I'm still trying to find my groove if you will.  G and I have started really working on a "routine" and we are learning to manage our time better.  

So there it is - a lot has been going on over here to say the least.  Thank you for listening sweet friends!

Oh and more about being a stay at home mommy and finding happiness on Friday.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand you can check out my guest post on the lovely Chloe's blog - Beyond Blessed.

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success

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Lately, I've been thinking about success.  What is it?  How do I know if I have it?  What does it mean to me?  Let me warn you, I don't have an answer, so I apologize to those who came over here today looking for some insightful wisdom.  You won't find it from me.  But what I do know is that hard work, in every aspect of your life, is important and reaps rewards.  Marriage is hard work - but the benefits of working at it are beyond words.  I'm sure hard work doesn't even begin to describe raising kids, but I'm pretty sure most mama's would say its the best job in the world.  And what about your career?  I have been thinking about mine more than ever and I think it all boils down to a few things.  No matter what you are doing, work hard.  Make it your best work, even if you hate your job.  You never know what opportunity this experience is preparing you for.  And have fun.  Somehow.  Someway.  Find a way to enjoy life while at work.  Whether it's your stash of Thin Mints in your office drawer, or taking 10 minutes a day to laugh with a co-worker.  And then I found this handy little list on Pinterest and I kinda liked it.  So I thought I'd share it.  And may I ask, what does success look like to you?

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choose. just choose.

source

I saw this list on Pinterest and loved it.  I’ve read it every day, a few times a day since I pinned it.  It is so true.  I started a new job this week so things have been a bit crazy around here.  I moved counties and went from being an ESL Teacher to a Migrant Teacher (subtle but also drastic change).  And so I’ve been thinking about success a lot lately.  Is this new job success?  Where do I see myself career-wise in 10 years?  Do I want to be a working mama?  Do I want to work in education forever?  My new co-worker was telling me about her daughter who happens to me my age.  She said her daughter wasn’t concerned with a career right now but more concerned with making a family and finding something she can do part-time.  And so immediately (3 days in to my new job) – I’m thinkin “Crap!  Maybe I should be doin that too.”  Shoot I don’t want to work full-time either!  But then I calmed down…

New beginnings tend to do that to me.  Cause me to go all reflective.  Makes me think about the future and where I see my life going.  And although I did envy my co-worker’s daughter a bit – everyone chooses their own path.  Their own way.  And the key word in that sentence boys and girls is CHOOSE.  I chose this new job (well after they chose me, but you get the picture).  I chose to go back to school and get my Masters in Teaching.  I chose to pursue a career where I could utilize the most beautiful language in my mind – Spanish.  I chose all of these things and because of those decisions this is where I am now.  Just like my friend’s daughter chose to work part-time.  Neither decision is right or wrong, but both are right for the individual and one way or another they are choices.  Purposeful choices. 

But I haven’t been just thinking about success in my career.  Also success in life.  What does that look like to me?  What does a successful life look like to anyone?  I look around at my closest friends and I’d say we are all successful in life.  We are all in different places in our lives, yes – but all successful nonetheless.  Lara Casey inspires me all the time with her hard work and “make things happen” attitude.    And I believe her faith can move mountains.  And she is on to something big people. 

lara casey // via

I think what I’ve learned this week in the midst of the anxiety that came with starting a new job – that whatever you are doing – whether it’s a right now job or a career path, or planning your wedding, or enjoying singleness, do it with purpose.  Be purposeful about your life.  Be intentional about the decisions you make but make them.  Don’t wait around for life to knock at your door with a silver platter.  It ain't gonna happen.  So make decisions.  And chose what matters.  Choose relationships over stuff, choose happiness over money, and choose yourself over always pleasing everyone else.  God created you just the way you are for a purpose.  And that purpose is not served unless you are purposeful seeking it out.  So go on… make things happen people! 

PS – Word on the street is that the annual Make Things Happen tour is coming to RALEIGH, NC next year!  WOOP WOOP!!!!!!  #pleasesayitstrue Lara, Emily and Gina!

ALSO CONGRATS TO THE JOULES GIVEAWAY WINNERS:

Mallory Russell, Sheila Sheridan, Genna Newman and Miranda Arthur

I will be emailing ya'll today :)

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stand in awe

had to make this one a little blurry so you couldn't see the student really, but this was what friday consisted of.

Last Friday I took my students to the NC Aquarium.  I don't talk about my work too much on here, but to fill y'all in this is my last week at my current school and even my current county.  I will be starting a new job and a new adventure next Monday!  So last Friday was like our last Hoorah - our last intense bonding session.  And let me tell you I love my kids.  More than I ever thought I would when I began teaching.  So back to the field trip.  The Aquarium.  So beautiful.  Then we stopped by the beach and let the kids run and play in the sand on the way back to school.  

Why am I telling you about my frolics with awkward middle schoolers?  Because they inspired me.  You see, I teach ESL (English as a Second Language) and every single one of the students that went on that field trip were born somewhere other than the United States - some Burma, some Yemen, some Guatemala and the list goes on.  And despite their roots in these beautiful countries, some of these students had never seen the things we saw Saturday.  The fish and the crocodiles.  I mean my kids weren't like your typical middle school group running around.  They would just stop and stare.  Stare at the huge glass glasses of fish - moving from one exhibit to the next with their jaws on the floor.  Then the beach.  Something I take for granted every single day.  Some of these kids had never seen the beach.  I remember standing and talking to the other teachers about something random and then we all noticed one our students just standing, arms spread open, staring at the sea.  It was beautiful.  The awe these kids felt was beyond words.  Their innocence, grateful hearts and wide eyes is something I hope to carry with me forever.  

I hope that I stand and look at the sea in awe every day.  I pray I teach my children to count their blessings.  I hope I teach them to be blown away my God’s miracles every chance they get.  I hope I am a little more like my students.  Students whom “learn from me” every day, but students who teach me more than they know.  So here’s to stepping back.  To allowing ourselves to be blown away.  Because look around, there is so much awe waiting to be noticed.

Happy Tuesday sweet friends!  Here are a few more pictures from my IPhone.

again - made it a little blurry.  but they sat like these forever

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